70-01 : The Badge of Honor That's Actually a Wound

00:00:03: I want to start with a memory.

00:00:06: And, and memory not from last year in Not From My Childhood... ...I went to Start With A Memory from Before I Had Words At All!

00:00:17: I was- I wasn't my mother's belly playing hide & seek.. ..and i really remembered the feeling of it like I Was Really Having A Blast?

00:00:27: I was

00:00:27: giggling?!

00:00:28: I was all over It.

00:00:30: And then all of a sudden, the energy changed completely.

00:00:37: That was the moment I realized there was no one to play with and realize she wasn't here... There were no presents!

00:00:50: No loving presence that could register me playing or connect in a tune.

00:00:58: And I want you to hold onto that feeling for a second, because everything about what's going on today comes back at the exact moment.

00:01:10: Welcome to Radically Regulated!

00:01:13: By rights this should be Episode Seventy and instead your Hearing Episode One.

00:01:21: What happened is last week when we decided and start over.

00:01:32: And what I really love about that change, in the symbolism of it is that the work we're gonna explore here together isn't tied to any language at all!

00:01:49: What we do in here... ...is to work mainly with pre-verbal imprints which means we're going to look at experiences that happened before you could even speak.

00:02:01: And sometimes it makes it very difficult to put this work and those experiences into words, but because I'm doing my best to do it... ...and because i'm trying to do as truthfully and clearly as I can.. ..I had to switch to English from German Because for me, it feels like a way more aligned form of self-expression and the one that actually comes out of flow instead of against.

00:02:35: So what's been happening is I would sit down on my computer inspired, and I would always write in English.

00:02:49: And then I would force myself to translate it into German because i was working with german audience.

00:02:55: so on top of that what we're gonna... It's a win-win for everyone!

00:03:00: Because it also means this podcast gets to become much bigger than ever staying inside my german speaking community only.

00:03:10: So welcome.

00:03:11: Thank you so much for being here.

00:03:13: Welcome out of the ordinary podcast.

00:03:18: And if you've been here before in the German version, well let's call it that...in a German version welcome back.

00:03:26: and if you're new I think you've arrived at exactly the right moment because we're entering a new era here!

00:03:34: Before i even introduce myself-I want to ask you to forget everything those days, but there is also a little tiny hope in me that you've never heard about it.

00:03:53: Never heard of it at all and that would make it even better because then we won't have to spend time unwiring the bullshit that you're already been taught.

00:04:03: so my name is Isabella.

00:04:04: I'm a medical doctor an mom with two wonderful children.

00:04:10: I left the medical system six years ago and have been spending my time in energy learning, deepening and reshaping.

00:04:26: i'm going to call it The Narrative around the self-help industry instead because i've been on a way to finding the truth that would help me to truly heal.

00:04:40: Because trust me, I have done probably every freaking modality there is out there in order to help myself feel the inner freedom.

00:05:11: being and expressing my purpose, then doing the nervous system work.

00:05:18: But is that the reason you should follow me?

00:05:21: Is that the reasons why I'm here?

00:05:24: Is it because of investing your time in listening to radically regulated?

00:05:31: Absolutely not!

00:05:33: Because anybody can learn this work.

00:05:36: You could find books or go to a workshop seminar whatever you want to call it.

00:05:42: So the knowledge is not the reason You should follow me again, anybody can learn that but I promise you very little people will really get It.

00:05:52: so The Reason That You Should Follow Me and You Should Stay Is Because This Work Will Transform You And Not For A Moment But for a Lifetime!

00:06:01: And i'm NOT Going To Try To Convince YOU Of THAT!

00:06:04: I'M Here To Actually Create An Experience for you to actually feel it.

00:06:11: I want to keep on telling my truth and with that support, finding your own because here's what really breaks my heart in what drives me forward... I see over-and-over again successful women who has done all the work years of therapy coaching hundreds doing all the tools.

00:06:39: You're doing it all and you're doing everything right on paper, And the heartbreaking part is that being yourself just going about your day without... ...you being able to stick to your routine or managing me time It still feels like work when should feel effortless after years of inner-work And you know it, because they're like what the hell?

00:07:11: Like.

00:07:11: I love my life.

00:07:12: Everything's perfect but somehow It isn't.

00:07:16: there is this weird feeling that somethings missing and of course You don't understand why Because its very difficult to put in words.

00:07:31: I hope What Is Very Clear By Now Is that this is not a flaw in your effort because if we were, If it was about your efforts and optimizing then doing more.

00:07:50: Optimizing would mean you have arrived at the easiness and effortlessness of life.

00:08:03: but thats not the case Because when we optimize, and this is important.

00:08:08: so I want you to like write it down actually.

00:08:11: When we optimize... And even though we claim not too but that's what we usually do What happens?

00:08:17: Is We take care of the nervous system architecture That is already within You?

00:08:24: So YOU are working on perfecting The System.

00:08:28: THAT has ALREADY BEEN THERE, THAT IS ALREady WIRED WITHIN YOU instead OF CHANGING IT.

00:08:36: I hope that makes sense.

00:08:39: It's kind of like if you would have a house, but it has been built on the wrong ground and So you're perfecting the house, it's beautiful.

00:09:12: You love being there.

00:09:13: this is your life.

00:09:14: It's beautiful that there is something that feels off Right?

00:09:20: This is what different about this work.

00:09:22: We are going to work on foundation.

00:09:26: Because of same operating system we never deliver a different result.

00:09:30: and this why you looking.

00:09:34: And do you remember the memory I opened with?

00:09:37: So, I want us to go back there for a little moment.

00:09:41: That was me.

00:09:42: that was my experience in one of my own private pre and perinatal sessions playing hide-and-seek with my mommy before i wasn't even born having a blast and then that disconnection kicking in... In that terrifying realization that there was nobody That my mom was so disconnected, so disengaged that she couldn't feel me playing with her.

00:10:08: Can you imagine being completely dependent on another human-being for your survival and at the very beginning of life already experiencing the terror of alone?

00:10:20: This is how early we start masking.

00:10:27: And by the way does chronic misattunement this what we call it of misattunement is actually the most common type of trauma in our Western civilization.

00:10:41: This is where we learn so early to start protecting ourselves, this is where the mask comes on and now take that and give it thirty years forty years fifty And a body that learned from very beginning.

00:10:58: nobody sees.

00:10:59: you have protect yourself.

00:11:01: Nobody gets me.

00:11:02: I feel so lonely, i don't know why have people around.

00:11:06: this is a pattern and it promise you every experience after that the rage of been experiencing or can experience The moment again.

00:11:19: if like nobody get to none was creating something new It's reinforcing original interruption.

00:11:27: your development just showed on my example And your story will be different, but there are enough ruptures for you development to have gone the other way as it was supposed.

00:11:48: When we think of that pattern my mom so disconnect I'm alone in this and by screaming around, what did you do to me?

00:12:03: It's about taking responsibility and understanding how your system has been wired because this is where freedom lies.

00:12:12: And so this pattern is actually the beginning of the hyperindependence which if I need you to really sit with us it would so many highly successful women.

00:12:22: whereas as a badge This is what we wear as a badge of honor.

00:12:28: I don't need anyone, i'll just do it myself.

00:12:30: It's gonna be quicker!

00:12:31: I've always been the strong one That sound familiar.

00:12:38: Really buckle up because in this podcast, we're going to dismantle a lot of bullshit.

00:12:43: And I'm also going to teach you how to transform the very patterns that have been praised for your entire life.

00:12:50: We praise them.

00:12:51: The ones... those are the one's that got promoted That got funded That got called impressive.

00:12:59: I want you to transform into something which finally lets us rest into something that finally feels like true you.

00:13:12: But before we go any further, I want to explain something because You might be sitting there wondering why i opened this entire episode with a memory from Before I was even born.

00:13:23: so Why am I telling you just hide and seek story?

00:13:27: The reason why is Because This Is Exactly When Your Nervous System Starts To Shape Itselves.

00:13:33: it starts adapting To the environment and to the world you're about to be born into.

00:13:41: And in moments, years after that.

00:13:45: experiences are what determine your ability to self-regulate later on life or not?

00:13:55: Everybody's telling you these days, You need to do this somatic exercise To regulate down.

00:14:02: To self-regulate that's bullshit.

00:14:04: We're gonna talk about it in different episodes.

00:14:08: But your ability to self- regulate comes from a very early experience of being co-regulated as a tiny human being.

00:14:18: And there is a distinction that nobody has given you in the self-help industry yet.

00:14:23: There's very big difference between regulating and managing this regulation, massive differences!

00:14:30: I promise if all of your work are still looping chances are at like ninety nine point nine percent.

00:14:38: you've been managing your dysregulation.

00:14:42: So this is why you've built a life that functions, performs and looks incredible from the outside on top of an nervous system.

00:14:51: That was actually never wired for safety without changing architecture.

00:14:57: You just got better at optimizing what's already there which means right now.

00:15:02: if I ask to self-regulate not push through or manage nor perform your way to con probably wouldn't know how.

00:15:12: And that's not a failure, it is not a flaw.

00:15:15: It simply what happens when nobody ever showed you the difference.

00:15:22: and by the way show me how.

00:15:25: to self-regulate would be a tricky question because if can't its just who are...it just happened this?

00:15:33: an organical state of your physiology.

00:15:36: that happen or doesn't?

00:15:39: So This Is What Makes This Podcast Different.

00:15:43: We are not going to spend our time managing your dysregulation better.

00:15:48: we're gonna go back the architecture itself, back those pre-verbal imprints and shape your nervous system before you had any say in it because a very first step is getting proper education.

00:16:07: You need understand what's happening how build or biology works in order to be able to start healing.

00:16:16: And if you want read the whole story about that preverbal imprint I had and also how i came up with a decision of changing my entire business, find me a sub-stack.

00:16:41: I'm going to put a link in the show notes because i published a beautiful article about it which is by the way called, ''I am not grateful for everything that happened''.

00:16:52: and this is why you shouldn't.

00:16:54: so if you want to dive into that which i recommend ,find me there.

00:16:59: .i publish a new article every monday In the next episode, we will be going deeper into your neuro-resistant physiology and I just wanted to talk you... No.

00:17:19: I want YOU to walk away from today's episode knowing one thing Why do feel is not a mystery.

00:17:29: It isn't your fault And you can rewire that Not for moment but forever.

00:17:40: This is the work that sticks and doesn't require you to do anything.

00:17:49: Soon, You're going to know how to get there!

00:17:53: So welcome to Radically Regulated.

00:17:55: I'm really glad you joined today To this very first episode And i am looking forward meeting in here next Friday.